Daddy Dates was an awesome book. It started out a little sow for my liking, but I ended up really liking it. I did not want to give it to every man i saw like some other readers, but it was still a great read. I would recommend it if the topic came up in conversation. All in all it was a great read.

Booksneeze Reggie Dabbs...read it.

Reggie is one of my personal Heros. He has changed the way i live my life and his story is inspiring so it is no surprise that this book is the same thing. I have heard his story many times and it is life changing each time i hear it. This book is about his past and the journey he had finding out that his mother was no his real mother and how his real mom was a prostitute. While going through his different phases the main purpose of the book is to show you how you dont need to live in the past, but you can better yourself for a future with and in Christ. I recommend this, and if you can go see him live, DO IT!.

coming home

well this is my last blog as being an African....i dont want to come home, but i am excited to see you guys if that makes any sense? So the rest of the fam and i are going to fly back on saturday...not sure how the whole money thing is gonna work out but its a good thing we dont have to ;). but for real, i am a mess. So everyone who is coming to the airport sorry...its gonna be hard. i will most likely cry so cry with me will you? its ok if you dont but i will most likely be a mess. i woke up pretty upset this morning so its whatever. just dont try and fix me please. i just need to be upset for a while. love you guys.

Numbers.....

Here I am...waking up early again...sickening! ;). I woke up about 730 today with a deep feeling in my chest that i only have two more days on this beloved continent, with these most incredible people. I am just going to "embrace" it(that one's for you Mufasa) and accept the challenges ahead. I have been fighting the way i have been feeling because I have this sense that i need to be strong when i go home. None of you are making me feel that way, in fact so many of you are encouraging me to be weak, but i have this way in me that I feel i need to be strong. I only have three weeks in Buffalo and i dont want to be a complete mess the entire time, but i have to warn you... i might be. I couldnt even keep it together in church on sunday. We walked in and the place was a movin! They were screaming(some of them literally) at the top of their lungs worshiping their creator, dad, lover...their Lord. It was beautiful, and it is very rare that we see that in the states. These people were sincere, and you could feel it. It was the first time in a while that i have been moved to tears like that. I couldnt believe that i was going back to a place where we argue whether or not drums are appropriate for worship, or how you would be kicked out for waving a flag during a service,(at one service some guy had an umbrella waving...it was so beyond epic...) or for dancing. Goodness forbid someone move their feet or shake their hips for the Lord. Dont get me wrong i am so thankful for what our culture stands for on so many levels. I used to hate coming home to the states because of what was awaiting me there. This time I am sad to come home because of what i am leaving here, but i am so excited to live my life according to what God has taught me here. I might be a little extreme at times, but God doesnt need to make sense. In fact, more times than not, if it sounds crazy to other people...it usually makes sense to God. Thats kinda my two sense for this morning...i really want to tell you guys what i am learning in Numbers but there isnt enough time! We are leaving for the beach soon so i will write down my thoughts eventually :). Love you guys. I leave in 2 days....2 days guys! are you ready for me to come home? im not sure some of you are... ;)

coming home....

Well... its 8 in the morning here and i have already eaten breakfast and am awake enough to write this blog...something is desperately wrong with me. I am not exactly sure why I have been waking up so early! I am usually a walking zombie in the morning, but i have been wide away...well i am still sleepy but i cant sleep, so im wide awake in that sense. Im not complaining by any means, its just humorous...maybe i will get my sleeping pattern back when i go back to the states? Or my body has just decided to join the rest of the world...who knows. anyway. So this is it. Our last week here and it hit me last night the hardest since ive been realizing this day is coming soon. I cant believe this summer is over, and i keep talking to Ty, Meg and my mom and telling them how excited i am to come home to see/talk to them...and I am...oh how i cant wait to have a conversation with someone that is not at a 14 second dely....but my heart is so heavy at the same time. This time is going to be much different in the sense leaving. I have relationships with the people here. Its not like a 10 day trip where i pretend to impact the world like i have in the past...these are legitimate people who i will remember for the rest of my life. I cant say that is the case on any other trip i have gone on. Yea there is always the cute orphan that i want to bring home, but its because i always either felt bad, or they were just adorable. The tears are starting to well up now as I think of Masunda and Bumba. They have three other brothers at the Hope House and i just recently found out the story on their mom. Some of you know the background of Masunda and Bumba...remember, they were found abanded on the side of the road by pastor Isreal and Mama Natalie. People told them they shouldnt take them in because they were going to die anyway and why would they want to deal with that...they are now 7...One of my main ministries here has been to work at the Hope House, so we spend a good amount of time simply playing, talking, singing, drawing and most importantnly loving on those kids. There was a new Mama that i noticed was helping out Mama Natalie around the house. She is "simple" as Papa Tim puts it, and basically has been taken advantage of time and time again and thats why she is living at the Hope House for the summer. We arent sure if her kids know that she is their mother, but can you imagine? I know its hard for you to picture, or to feel as deeply for these boys as we do because its just another story. Its just another sad story that we Americans need to feel bad for because we have the good things in life and they dont. We have our crap and they have their problems. I know, I know and believe me when i say that i am taking that into consideration as i prepare to go back to the states. To us these people are real, these people have families and stories behind. To have Masunda wrap his little arms around my neck every time i step into that place is different. Its different than charity. I have absolutely nothning to offer them but love. I am just as equally in poverty, or orphaned as they are. Not physically of course (mom take a deep breathe ;) )...but spiritually. I have relationships with these boys from the Hope House. From church, from villages, from Bongolo, from the mobile clinics, from living in this community. I love these people. I have made a new family, and if i had the chance to come back and do it all over again, i would in a heart beat. less than a heart beat. So i guess all in all, and B holler and Nate and I were talking about this the other night, for all of the people closest to all of us reading this...please dont try and fix us. Dont think that you can fix our tears, our brokenness, our hurt or our new ways of thinking. So many of us have grown up and changed this summer. We have seen what is means to love deeply, care for the broken, live in community. God has dealt with us in the most personal of ways of which i cant wait to live out in our Culture. Thats another thing. Culture...just a warning, it is going to take me some time to get back on the schedualed way of life. My scheduale changes every day. We kinda sorta make plans here, but they change a good 99.99% of the time...so if i am super super super lackadaisical and just out of it for a while, be patient. :) One of our sisters went home a little early because she had camp to work at, but she was telling me the other day how hard it is to do the schedualed thing...crap...so yea. Patience is good. I will be exercising it with you guys just as must as you will for me :).
Please dont think i am Emo and super depressed. Its just how i write most of the time to get my thoughts out, but i am freaking excited to see you guys, dont think im not. I cant wait to squeeze my brothers...and Tyler you better be ready to spend every waking moment with me during vacation Bud. I miss you SO much! I cant wait to hear all about camp and what God has been teaching you :). Love you!
So i have a lot more to add to this but i will post later tonight or tomorrow morning. Just about church and I am going through Numbers and i love it! hahaha weird right? anyway, i will see you guys soon :)

flight info

crap! sorry for everyone else who is reading this expecting info on what im doing but my skype is not working so this is my only communication with my mom :) OK so mom can you please call dad and tell him my flight doesnt get in until 8:00 at night actually. here is the flight info, and can you make sure grandma knows it too.




US AIRWAYS 13AUG PHILADELPHI PA BUFFALO NY 615P 753P

US 3444 FRIDAY INTL NIAGARA INTL

V ECONOMY AIRCRAFT: EMBRAER 170

FLIGHT OPERATED BY US AIRWAYS EXPRESS-REP

RESERVATION CONFIRMED

thank you! love you!

o me of little faith

hey Mom! I am going to be in a village sleeping under mosquito nets and the stars, so I probably wont talk to you before i get to the states. We are pretty filled next week so I might blog, but im not sure. We are in the village until saturday night. Skype isnt working but i need a favor. I have fallen in love with reading this summer so can you get me a book for vacation please? Its called "O Me Of Little Faith" and I cant remember who wrote it, but its new this year. If you cant find it dont worry about it, i just got to read a little bit of it and its really good so i wanted to read the rest :). Thanks mom love you!

manna?

So I must say I am absolutely stoked to come home and start reading Donates Inferno series that Meg has been telling me about. OH YEA! All of you who are reading this from KAC…have a wonderful week at VBS ☺. I am actually really sad that I cant be there for it but I cant wait to hear all about it ☺ And are any of you crazy cats going to kingdom bound this year? I better be getting some shirts that’s all I gotta say! ;).
Just a warning, my heart is being ripped out bit by bit every time I have to leave the hope house, so I might come home without a heart. When Masunda wraps his little arms around my neck and whispers into my ear then squeezes so tight I nearly fall over, my heart is taken at that exact moment. He has this little smack about the way he talks, his lips literally smack and its hilarious but I just cant see myself leaving it. I mean would it really be that big a deal if I brought him home? Or if I stayed?

Well I finished Exodus and I want to touch on some things I missed and really just kind of sporadic today. I have been reading Crazy Love, which if you have read it or heard of it you know of the hype, and I feel like he touches on some pretty legit topics. I think sometimes we think people have new and amazing ideas so its fun to buy into them and jump into the idea before we really are ready to commit to something. We know that’s how we want to live and how we think we should, so we try it for a little while, but when it comes to making ourselves feel uncomfortable, we back off. I am in complete agreement with this, but why does it take some guy selling his house and writing a book about living a radical life for us to change? Why isn’t Jesus enough for us? Why aren’t the Gospels enough to get us by with an example of how to live? I have no idea, but I do know that I get caught up in liking books and certain “preachers ideas” than just taking Jesus at His word. I have an inkling that I am not the only one ;). I loved Crazy Love. It was a banging book and a main reason was because of how much scripture he uses and how he always is pointing it back to Jesus. Let’s not get to hyped up about Mr. Chan, but instead lets live like this because we were first called to live such a life.
In Exodus 16 we have the story of the Manna and Quail. God tells Moses that he will rain down bread from heaven. He tells them to only gather as much as is needed for that day. No more, no less. You aren’t allowed to keep any left for tomorrow morning, but trust that God will keep providing for you on a day-to-day basis. Hm. makes me rethink my savings account. Chan touches on this in Crazy Love, but he is meaning it in poverty and caring for the poor sense of way. I think God intended for us to care for the poor while inter mixing the faith of trusting in him. In the beginning of the summer I had said that I wanted to recklessly abandon my ways of thinking. I can honestly say that I am starting to think differently then when I first got here. I have always been a pretty insane person to begin with, as most of you have witnessed or dealt with, but I that is just the way God made me. I am insane, crazy and I talk a big talk. I have a really hard time following through on so many things I say. I have always given excuses or just said I am human its normal to need a break and blablabla. If I am living a life that makes sense to people, then I don’t want to continue living. I’m not saying intentionally being ridiculous just to have a show or adventure, but the reality is we are living our normal comfortable lives instead of how Jesus called us to literally live. I have never really and honestly had to trust God for things. I have always had a buffer to save me, always. When I say comfortable I mean that in every sense of the word, materialistically, evangelically and in our every day families. Yes we are comfortable in how we live we are Americans. Unfortunately it’s just the facts of life. We have our big screen TVs and we are constantly being told to give more to the poor and go on mission trips, and to just do better to make ourselves feel ok for having such things. That still needs to be preached and shouted from the loving rooftops because we have failed miserably in that area. Honestly just look around. Its true. But to step away from that for a little bit, how are we living out our evangelical side? Are we proud of ourselves for saying Jesus name today at school or work because its what we are supposed to do, or are we living every single moment as if it was our last? I don’t mean the stupid clichés that we always hear (you all know how much I LOVE clichés…) but seriously, when am I going to wake up to the reality that tomorrow is really not promised. Neither is my next breath. I guess what I am trying to say is why do I store up for tomorrow breakfast when God asks me not to? Why am I hording my manna when the majority of the world is without. What is your manna? What is my manna? Maybe it really is food, money, time, family, relationships, sleep, clothing…you get the point. It’s figuring out what the manna in your life is. Honestly in mine it is every single one of the things mentioned. If you know me well, you know how much I love sleeping in and what a beast I can be in the morning. I just am a late riser, but am I missing opportunities to serve someone while I am enjoying my late schedule? I have all of eternity to not feel tired…I don’t know, i'm not making any radical commitments because I suck at being radical and keeping commitments, so I need some time to mediate on it, but i'm just saying, what is our manna? What are we hording and why don’t we trust God to provide for our next batch of manna? He tells us time and time again that he will provide it so I fail to see the dilemma. Oh and another thing on church bashing…I f eel like maybe I have been bashing the westernized church or when I say these things some it may hit close to home or you may just be saying there goes Mariah again on her ridiculous rants, but I just want to say that one of my sisters here said one of the most profound things ive heard in a while. You may have heard it and im sure I have before but it clicked for me the other day and I was amazed. We were talking about how easy it is to bash the church and see all the things wrong with her, but we often forget that the church is Christ’s bride. You wouldn’t walk up to a guy and start bashing his wife saying how much she sucks at this or that and how she is doing a horrible job at life. Yes, she may be rough around the edges and need a lot of work, but she is still his wife and he loves her deeply. It was a good reminder for me.
I was going to keep going, but I think I am just going to stop here. I need to go give my manna back. See you guys in 8 days ☺

pizza and wings

MOM! ok so we are having street food Saturday, which i love and will miss dearly when im home, but...i am craving pizza and wings. So mom, when i get home can we get pizza and wings? please? with pepperoni? Thanks Mom LOVE YOU

work dance party

It is about 5 in the evening here and we are winding down from putting a concrete floor in. We left about 7 this morning to go and when we got there, no one was there. So Eric took us to get some fried bacon grease donut balls with sugar on top. Yum. Then we went back to the site and started mixing concrete. We had 50 wheelbarrows of sand and then i lost count of everything else. needless to say it was a ton of concrete. Around 11 or so we stopped for lunch and the Mamas made us some sandwiches :). So nice! Then i got to meet some of my facebook friends who i speak to in French, so that was wonderful! Here is the best part though, they brought out this huge sound system and started playing music while we were working. At this point there must have been 30 Gabonese people working alongside us and mostly instead of us. haha. As the music got louder, we all started dancing. It was ridiculous the way it all looked. We looked like we were in a musical or something. The Mamas were dancing waiting to return the wheelbarrows to the men to fill with cement. The men were dancing with their shovels doing the African shovel dance. B holler and I had our own private dance lesson from Demetri who then gave us a shout out "Shallom to my sisters!" Giant dance/work party was basically what today consisted of. We came home and watched a movie to fall asleep to and now Nate and B holler are passed out on the couches in our living room/home theater...I am so excited to come home, but i am not sure how i am going to leave this. My brothers and sisters here, oh man. And the hope house kids. Its starting to hit...only 12 more days. Why did this summer fly by? Maybe i will stay another month....

yup

Happy Sunday
Yesterday we rode back from Bongolo and had a great ride back. We were passing through a little village and stopped something on the side of the rode and our hired driver, Rueban, stopped and backed up to show us what it was. One of the villagers had just killed a ten foot snake. Hopefully if this post posts correctly you will be able to see it, but we will see how the internet is feeling today. This thing was HUGE and the guy had just killed it. I am pretty sure it was the largest snake I have ever seen. Bigger than anything zoo snake or those cool ones they bring to school on animal day (remember those?). This thing came from the jungles where we were just living. If you have been keeping up with this you know I lived in Bongolo for about a month so to think that animals like that were in my backyard....a little creepy? Yea....Funny side story about snakes. Papa Tim was telling us about this missionary he knew who was moving from Gabon to another country to do missions and they didn't want to give up their pet snake, so...they wore it as a belt on the plane. Um yea. Its exactly what you are thinking...anyway so after we saw the snake we came up to this police stop where they pulled us over. The police officer came up to our car and I started laughing. He wanted to see everyone's passports and the copy that I had had some weird numbers on it from a game we were playing, so that set me off. I could not stop laughing. The officer was drunk so he found it humorous that I was laughing and kept smiling at me all weird. Then he started explaining to us that Tupac was his dad and I completely lost it. Everyone kept telling me to shut the heck up because we were all going to get put in African jungle jail, and then Allison was laughing right along with me. I don't know why I couldn't stop laughing, but I was dying! It was so funny and when the thought crossed my mind that I could be put in prison, I laughed even harder! Anyway, no worries though mom, I am still here and not in jail :). So we got home last night and went to church this morning at Pastor Jacobs church. We got invited over to his sisters house for a huge family dinner party. It was INSANE. On the way there we had a family sing along in the car and our choice was Disney. So we all were screaming Disney songs the entire way to the party. We were laughing SO hard at how ridiculous the whole thing was. It was wonderful. We got there later in the evening and we just strolled in being typical Americans thinking this was the coolest place in the universe, because simply we are in African and regardless to where you go its the coolest place in the universe, so we walk in and see a huge live band playing with at least six back up singers and this women in the middle of the yard leading them. We find a seat on the porch as before we could understand what the heck was going on we had made this gigantic dance circle in the yard. We danced for I don't even remember how long, but it was amazing. SO much fun. It wasn't just dancing either, we were dancing to all African worship music. We laughed, danced and laughed some more at how ridiculous we looked. That is one of my favorite things about missions is how you don't have to worry about looking like a fool because no one cares. In America we are so concerned with looking good and not looking like a complete fool, but if I do remember correctly David danced naked in front of God. Some people would say, and actually most other cultures betray Americans this way, that we are to stuck up to do something like that or that we are better than to ever do something as silly. That may be part of it, but I also think it has something to do with we are not comfortable in our own skin. We are so self conscience that we have put up this block in our minds that we are better, but really it stems from being self conscience. Any who, we ate dinner, chilled for a little longer and then left. On the way home, we had another family singalong, but this time it was sappy sad/happy love songs. Hilarious. Then we came home, debriefed (we have a BUSY next couple of weeks so it might be hard for me to blog or keep constant contact with you guys but I only have two and half weeks left so its ok) and then watched a family movie. I just woke up but I am going to attempt to write something about Moses so here we go....

Ok, I left off by going in the darkness where God was using Christ as our light (not sure I mentioned that part but I am now so its whatever). Now Moses has been up on Sinai with God for a while giving him Laws. We have eleven chapters where Moses was with God directly on mount Sinai. I am not sure if the amount of actual time was given and I'm sure I could look it up, but that's not the point. He was with God for a while. The Israelites get a little (understatement) impatient while waiting for Moses to come back from spending time with God, so they have a little tempter tantrum and demand that Aaron make them a god to worship. As I was rereading this just now I got this sick feeling because of what the Israelites say next... “He took what they handed him and made it into an idol cast in the shape of a calf, fashioning it with a tool. Then they said, 'This is your god, Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt'”- Ex 32:4...WHAT? Are you kidding me? This calf brought you out of Egypt? How about we give praise where its due all the time instead of when something incredible just happens, but that we consistently remember who gives us the breath in our lungs, and who rescued us from Egypt.
In an attempt to look up what the golden calf symbolized, I sort of came to a dead end, one because there was a ton of Egyptian symbolism which was tricky to fully comprehend, two the internet is slow this morning so doing research would take to long and three its early and we all know how well I do in the morning so I sort of came to a dead end, but this is what I found. I figured that they had just come from living in Egypt for a long time, generations long actually, and so they must have adopted some of their ways and teachings. So I looked up the meaning of the calf in Egyptian culture of the time and found that the calf was the strongest and most important of the sacred animals. It also symbolized wealth. I cant really put it together at the moment hahaha so if you have a clue, please share. That's not really what I have planned for this anyway.
My focus is going to be on the situation as a whole. Here is the scenario, Moses just spent a ton of time with God up on the mountain. God spoke to Moses for eleven chapters long as I mentioned and after the law was given God tells him its time for him to go back down to where the people were because they have gotten out of hand. “Then the Lord said to Moses, 'Go down, because your people, whom you brought up out of Egypt, have become corrupt. They have been quick to turn away from what I commanded them and have made themselves an idol cast in the shape of a calf. They have bowed down to it and sacrificed to it and have said, 'These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt” Exodus 32:7-8.
When I read this it sort of caught me off guard. Now don't be offended by this but I feel like this is how its going to be for me. Not that anyone of you back home are Israelites or worshiping false idols, but just imagine what this is like for Moses. He was just in God's presence for a long time. He was in the middle of what God had for him and had just come back from a specific time that God had set aside for Moses. Some people will argue and say this is how life is, but I think its a little different. God sought out Moses to give him the law. He set special time aside for him at this point in his life. God has given me and the rest of the interns a three month journey into what he is doing in Gabon. We have met with God face to face while being here and now we are coming down from the mountain. We are coming home to what is familiar to us and to deal with people who have no experienced what we just experienced. This situation gets a little tricky because Moses gets pissed, melts the calf into a powder and makes the Israelites drink it. I am not going to make you guys drink a melted calf or get angry because you don't understand what I have just been through. But this is my heart in the matter and as the weeks are winding down and we have about 17 days left, we are beginning to come down from the mountain and back to people who we haven't seen in three months. People who haven't seen the things we have seen.
On the flip side, I also understand my role in this. I am coming home to a place where life has gone on and moved forward. To a church, school, household, friends and family that has lived while I have been away. I understand my role in this is to not judge, or be cold-hearted and just get frustrated because you don't understand. But rather my role is to share with you what I have just experienced. Moses was given the law to go tell the Israelites. I have had the amazing opportunity of spending three months in Gabon. I am in no way shape or form saying God is more at work here or there, or that I am Moses and am this amazing prophet. Please don't think that I would ever say that. I am just saying that God has dealt with me in a more personal and deeper level that I have ever seen him work. My life style, ways of thinking, approach to life and love has all been questioned, torn apart and shredded this summer and even with the few of you I have been talking to, I have withheld because some of it is just to hard to explain. I know that Satan wants me to keep quiet though, so regardless to if you understand, I will be shouting what God has taught me from the rooftops while walking into the darkness where He is. I don't want to live this normal christian life anymore. Its time to get radical for a change and actually live as if Christ is real.

Tom

New post coming soon.
We traveled from bongolo today so not tonight but tomorrow during the day I will post
Love you guys!

Soooo I'm not feeling so hot. Some of us must have eaten something bad because there are three of us so far who are sick :/ but it's chill Gid is still good( duh) and we have a lot of down time being in Bongolo. We organized another part of the appro and some of the team got to see some surgery so that's cool. We are having the Thompsons over for dinner tonight and wrecking caving this after noon. I think b holler and I are gonna stay back and watch a movie...yup :)
We leave three weeks from today, can you believe it? So insane...remeber when I wasn't even sure if I was coming...good stuff. I will post something else tonight about Moses :). Still in exodus but I am learning what t really means to trust my Jehovah Jirah. So moses is helping in that area. Ok well hope you guys are having a good day and I will be posting later so yeah... :) have a good day

Going back to bongolo

Hey guys,
I am going back down to Bongolo in the morning with the fam to do some work for the hospital and to show some people who havnt been there yet. Honesty I am already thinking about not wanting to come home and deal with the emotions of it all. There are only a few more weeks left but its exciting none the less. I am still trying to figure out.a way to fit Bumba and Masunda in my suitcase...maybe I will just buy them plane tickets...hmm ;) well I will tell you what's going on at the hospital and I have another thing about Moses that I want to share with you.:) hope you guys are having a great week. Love you and praying! Let me know whats up!

Family( disclaimer I used my iPod so the words maybe weird lol just fill in what you think belongs)

Today is Thursday and I got back to Libreville on Tuesday night. Not only was I welcomed by a group of screaming sisters, but Johnny romance also said he was excited to see me :) then we drove home from the guest house and was thengreeted by the rest of tue family as soon as we pulled up. I was SO excited to see them and papa Tim of course! I got to meet or two new sisters who are wonderful as well but it was so good to see the family. So so so good. I have sorta been in a junk the last couple weeks but I was rejuvenated when I saw my family again. God has been teaching me some really cool stuff about that. It ties back with feeling like God is my constant. Remember that blog? About being to attached to meg and feeling like God was saying, "listen only I can be your constant" and I sort of took that as that my need of feeling a home was not sinful but just not healthy. Well I was wrong. Throguh this Gad has been showing me how with the body of Christ we are a family. As much as I appreciate and love everyone of you backbone, I don't "need" you in order for me to feel the aspect of family in a Christ way. All I need is some brothers and sisters in love with Jesus and who care about me and who look out for me and I am set. The feeling of home is not bad. The need for feeling like home is not bad either. God is my constant yes, but he uses those around me to help Him be my constant. God understands my personality and my feelings and desires in a way that I never understood and probably never will but I just find it really awesome that regardless to where I am, I get a little freaked out at first because it's not familiar and the , after I realize my family is here and now, I feel home again. I'm home. I know it's going to be hard to come back to the states and we only have 4 weeks left, but I am excited to start living a radical life again. To live simply and not In my mindset from before. To live in the darkness with Christ around me via my physical family. Takin all of what I have learned, am learning and will learn, and begin to apply it to my life back home. I can't wait. :)
So after a wonderful greeting from my brothers and sisters they made me a cake and sang happy birthday!!! :) the next day I got to sleep in (thanks papa Tim) and b holler and I talked all morning. I've missed her :) after that we went to the hope house where, when I got out of thecar Masunda ran up to me saying "ELLE MOI BLANCH" which means my white my white! And he jumped on my back and the rest of the kids realized I was there and jumped on me after that. Christofer (my little sweetheart 9 year old who just recently ran away) came up at squeezed me as hard ad I've ever been squeezed. They were climbing and kissing my cheek the whole rest of the day. I missed those kids dearly...and will be adopting all 27 of them...I'm gonna try and sneak Masunda and Bumba in my suitcase but they can get feisty....we will seen;)
But it's been so wonderful being home and with the fam again. Mama mer also came home today and that was so nice!! :) we have missed her so its just good to have the family back in one piece again! I actually back to bongolo on Monday for a week but its with the fam so it will be chill :) love you guys hope your summer is as banging as mine! I mean I will find it hard to beleive because you're not in Africa but I can still pray for it ;) love you!

Thick darkness...

I am leaving Bongolo either Tuesday or Wednesday so i will have more to blog about as far as work and things like that go once i am in Libreville again. Bongolo is much more relaxed and secluded. A person like me can only handle that for so long...it has been a wonderful stay though, but i do miss my family back in Libreville dearly :). OH and Mama Mer comes home on Thursday! good week...this is gonna be a GREAT week. :)
Ok so on with Moses.
OH MY GOSH! I am pretty sure a giant cockroach just fell from the ceiling and landed near my feet. I cant find it right now....kill me? thanks...ok so anyway back to Moses. I have been jumping through Exodus back and forth, trying to figure this whole thing out. I still am working through that (when i figure it out i will let you know...don't hold your breath...) Ex 19 talks about how Moses went up to God, and i wrote on this in the beginning of my blog, but Moses is doing all these wonderful things and then Jethro comes in and says...woah woah wait a minute, you're doing this all wrong Moses! So Moses decides to go spend time with his creator and his deliverer. He goes up to the mountain never expecting what would happen next...He is given the Ten Commandments. The way this happens is interesting though. God tells Moses that he is coming to him in the form of a dense cloud so that people will hear him speaking (via thunder by the way...) and always trust Moses. God doesn't do this to be showy, or to set the example of his power, instead he does this so that the people will have something tangible to trust.
God speaks to Moses directly and says "ok Moses get up here...Now i want you to go back down and tell those Israelites that you and I need some alone time and they are not allowed to come into my presence. In fact, they cant even touch Mount Sinai, and if they do they will die. Oh yea and here are the 10 commandments." So Moses comes back down to tell them. I never realized that Moses came back down to tell the Israelites about the 10 commandments before going back up to receive some more of the law.
Moses came down to tell them about the 10 commandments and to stay away from Mount Sinai, but these next few verses get me so pumped...
Ex 20:18-21 says... When the people saw the thunder and lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the mountain in smoke, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance 19 and said to Moses, "Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die." 20 Moses said to the people, "Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning." 21 The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was
another translation puts verse 21 as "And the people stood afar off, and Moses drew near to the obscurity where God was"
You mean, this is the same Moses who:
1. Was hunted as a newborn
2. then with a blink of an eye, he became Royalty.
3. After Murdering someone, he gets kicked out of his own land
4. Meeting God face to face saying how fearful he was to do anything because he had a stuttering problem
5. Had to go back to Egypt where he not only had to face the people of his past, but he had to go back to a Pharaoh who he probably lived with at one point in his life and tries to convince him that the God of the Hebrews is saying let the slaves go. Still using Aaron at this point to do all the talking because he is afraid still
6. Going through all of the plagues
7. The parting of the red sea
8. The Manna and Quail
9. The water rock incident.
10. He goes up to meet God after being reamed out by his Father-in-law to hear that he needs to go back down to tell the people that you need more time with God to show them the real way.
hmm...does anyone else feel for Moses here? I can't imagine how he feels or he stress of this task. I imagine he aged quickly, another story for another day though.
So he goes from being the shy, defensive, unwilling, Moses to the Moses we now have. We see Moses transforming before our eyes. This is a huge step for Moses. He steps into the darkness while everyone else steps back. He trusts God with everything he has, because he knows that there is no turning back once he makes this decision. He has decided, now he is stepping into the unknown. God was drawing into the obscure place. Webster says that obscurity is going into the unknown. Moses has no clue what this holds for him, but he does it...Why? Because Moses wanted God. He wanted to be obedient to what God was calling him to. He knew that God wanted him to tell the Israelites the law. That's it, he didn't know how God was going to do that or why, he just knew and had a certainty that this is what he needed to do to go where God was.
I now ask myself...am I going to be one of the Israelites who "remained at a distance" saying, "oh hey God. I am gonna stand over here where its safe with all my bagage and crap that i am holding on to because it looks to dark and stormy over there. I mean there sure is a lot of thunder and darkness up there, so i think I'm just gonna chill here. I don't want to give you all of my life because its so scandalous and dangerous to completely trust you because if i do that, i have absolutely no control. Just make sure you stay over there God...i don't want to die"

Side note:...Now I struggled with this for a little bit because I thought, well of course they are going to shrink back, you just got done telling them if they touch mount Sinani they are going to die, but we need to consider the consistency of the Israelites. They never listen, first of all. Second of all they consciously withdrew and stayed at a distance, not because God told them to, but because they had fear. It was a much different dynamic then i had realized....

Anyway....
Or can we be a church and generation of lovers who stand up and "approach the thick darkness where God is". I choose option two. I don't want anything less than Jesus, but i cant just stand at a distance. I need to start approaching the thick darkness. I think we all do, if we are honest with ourselves.
Lets approach this darkness together shall we? Keep each other accountable for being radically daring. I have no idea what the future holds for me, for Ty, for my family, but that's right where i am supposed to be. In the darkness, trusting God as my guide with all my might and strength(which comes from Him anyway...kinda ironic huh?) This is not a pep rally, or a "go get em" speech. It is a cry for the church to wake up and stop looking at God from a healthy distance. It is a cry that we would walk into the darkness, scared out of our minds, but yet with a peace comes with each step because we know that God is leading us there, and that He is our end result....
I'm going into the thick darkness....anyone with me?

Ty

If you have been following this blog thank you so much for reading and i have still have 5 more weeks to go, so there are many more blogs to come, but I just wanted to take a second and share with you Ty's blog. Seriously, if you read this regularly or are just checking in to see if I am alive, please go read this. http://re-christiand.blogspot.com/
i cant really explain how proud I am to be his. I don't know how I was chosen to be, and i know that i didn't do a darn thing to deserve him, but his growth is not only encouraging to me, it makes me proud to say he is mine. Honestly, if there were the words to say exactly how i feel, i would write them, but they just simply dont exist. They are there deep within my heart, and Ty knows some of them (which really is what matters), but I am just so....in love maybe? I don't know but go read this and be encouraged. seriously.

monday and tuesday

Monday was pretty much insane. I woke up at 6:50, went down the hospital and led worship for the doctors before they started their day. Lisa did a lesson, but it was in french so i only understood a little bit of it. After that we hung out for a while, did some devos in English and went over to start organizing Appro which is the pharmacy that we have been working in. As soon as i walked in, i saw pastor Jacob (from Libreville, he one of the main pastors who does the mobile clinics and was the pastor of the church we saw the baptisms for) and at the same time we both started screaming because we were so excited to see each other. He immediately hugged me and oh man it was so nice to see a familiar face. It was weird how at home I felt just seeing him because of how much i miss my family in Libreville, not to mislead you though, i am having such a wonderful time in Bongolo. After i saw pastor Jacob, Brittney came in to tell us that there was a birth ready for us to see! So we got into our scrubs and went over to maternity. The women had placenta previa so she needed to have a c-section done, but the surgeon didnt think she was ready to so we waited...and waited...and waited, then finally a women came in and was ready to go. We went to eat lunch and came back to see the birth...oh my goodness. I was fine until they had to stitch her up because she tore giving birth. They stuck a needle some where that needles should never be put and i had to leave the room. But i have to admit, it was such a weird feeling when the baby actually came out. It was so exciting to see something living, breathing and crying come out of a women.
Ty and i agreed to seriously consider adoption ;). One of the doctors thinks that every teenage girl should have to watch a birth...apparently its the best form of birth control. i would have to agree :)
On tuesday we led worship again, and then we went to the dungeon to clean it out. It was SO dirty and i am pretty sure most of that stuff hasn't been touched since the hospital was built. There were GIANT spiders EVERYWHERE. for real they were the size of my hand, and after screaming the life out of my on several occasions, and the Africans laughing at me, I decided to just scream internally, shake it off and get the crap out as fast as i could so we could get out of there. Then we found this creepy light thing that weighed a bagillion kilos and it looked like the Batman signal light. we dragged it out and then finished cleaning for the day. Came home and after that went to dinner with some pretty sweet people :). Ended the day by calling the love of my life until his stupid phone died ;) which now that i am thinking about it, you could have just put the charger in....buuut it was so nice hearing his voice :).
Learning some more sweet stuff about Moses that I will update either tonight or tomorrow morning. Have a good day :)o

tylers school shirts

MOM! There is a free shipping sale on c28.com for tyler to get some shirts for school! They are really cheap now, but you have to get them within the next day or so because its some 4th of july sale. let me know if you are gonna get some for him...they are like 11.99 for these amazing tshirts that tyler will like. and its free shipping soooooo yea. :) love you. dont forget to read my blog about the jungle below...you will think its funny ;) love you!

sunday in the Jungle

This morning I woke up around 8 am and could not go back to sleep. I decided to take the day off from church because they were leaving at 6 am but the real reason was because I was going to the 4th of July BBQ that the missionaries on the station were having. OH! I forgot to tell you about my beloved birthday!
Yesterday morning I woke up around 10 (they let me sleep in! :) and came out to a wonderful breakfast with the table decorated and fresh jungle flowers picked! We had french toast, banana bread and some ginger bread. After that we went to a 4th of July parade and one of the missionaries made me a little goodie basket of snacks from the states and a bookmark :). Then we came home and Lisa and Brittney made pizza for dinner and made me a cake! I also got to talk to many of you :) and Papa Tim called and the rest of the interns sang Happy Birthday to me from the other side of the country :). Loved it!
So we had a BBQ and it was lovely. Brittney and I came home after and she went to take a nap and I started writing in my journal. I sort of felt unrest at that so I decided to go on a little adventure. I put my jeans back on, my chucks, bug spray (of course! Oh yea I havnt mentioned...i am getting eaten ALIVE by these stupid no-see-um things. Evil aunt lisa wont let me scratch them either!), my water bottle and my ambition. I was off to face the jungle! I got about half way down the mountain of jungle before I realized that it was sort of a drop off and I created my own path because this route was not yet taken. That was sort of a sign for me to return. I went to turn around and I sort of slipped down (it was raining at this point) and slid with snakes and God knows what else down this jungleous mountain looking thing. Scared out of my friggin mind I got up and was covered in these weird african bush things and I had a moment of panic because I thought they were some sort of insect, but then I realized that it was just a plant. I heard some slithering and moving in the trees so hen I decided ok, I really am going back haha. So I went back and decided to just chill for the rest of my sunday.
Moral of the story is:
Crazy things can happen when you are bored in the jungle... ;)