Bongolo 1

Ok so yo guys are going to have to bare with me for however long this takes. My computer isn't workin at the moment not sure what's up but I will let you know how that goes. So in the mean time I will be using my iPod which is kinda hard to type on and auto fills words that I don't even realize it does so it's just gonna be insane for a little while butttttt I'm in Africa and God has been showing me a lot that I want to share so Satan isn't gonna win this one ;). As you know I was away this week for a getaway prayer retreat. I did one blog to share with you a few things god is showing me. So here is the first one, I am still writing the other one so that will be up by tomorrow for sure. Here it is...
Bongolo hospital
So we are at the bongolo hospital and I am laying in my bed. This is goin to be my blog so I can remeber what god is tying to teach me while I'm here. I don't understand the whole him being my constant no matter where I go. This has been the longest I've been away from Meg so to not have her here to bounce my ideas off of like I always do and be able to talk things through with her on a nightly/daily/hourly basis has been insane. We have been besties for ten years now and i am just not sure why it took me his long to realize how much of an impact she has had in my life. I mean,I knew obviously it's Megan and Mariah always together but I never realized how much I rely on her to be there for me. It's not necessarly a badthing, and she is a top notch person so always have around but God is trying to show me how my life is so short anyway, that really in the grand scheme, His glor is all that matters. With that being said, I need to make sure that I understand that he is my soul prpose for this life and that I am only workig for his Glory. He is the only one In my life who will remain constant in this life. God forbid anything ever happen where Meg and I losethis friendship, but it's a possiblity and would I be able to survive without her? I would like to say confidently that yes I would, and by survive I don't mean that I can't live without her, but I mean emotionally would I make it? The answer right in this moment is no. Now please don't misunderstand what I am saying here. I know that it's good to have Meg in my life and I will never willing give her up and I know accountability is key and bla bla bla but I am saying is my only constant is God. Not Meg not my mom or dad not Ty or my brothers. Not my amazing grandparents...God is the only one who I can say I put my hope in you. Tonight at our debrief we were sayi what God had show us today through our quiet time if anything and during the middle Tim said that he just wanted to make sure everyone knew that we could be open. His exact words were "just know that this is a family and these debriefs are chances for us to bounce ideas off of eachother and because of our community we can do that" he used the same exact phrase that I always use with Meg when I need some advice. I bounce ideas off of her to see if they are good or just to get hemnout here to what God is saying. I'm not reall missing home to much(Obviously I miss home like easy but I'm not home sick if that makes sense) but that really made me feel so great that Tim said that. Because of God teaching me that he is my constant, along with that comes the feelin of not feelig comfort or cogent where I am at. It's easy to be somewhere that I am comfortable but when I am 5800 miles away from home you lose that sense of comfort. So when God is your constant, he can also be your comfort because your are fimilar with Him. It's sort of like when you are abou to go absolutly bonkers because you don't think you can handle the language anymore and then someone shows up who speaks English. It's a releife because it's familar. So my prayer is that God would become my constant and that I would beco e familar wih Him. 
aAnother thing God has been showing me is that  really need to learn the meaning o trust, hope and reckless abandonment. I have been really stressing about my future this trip because if this isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life, do I change my major and do all this crap, and I am still working through  all of this so I don't have answers so don't freak out and think I'm dropping out of college and doing nothin because I'm overwhelmed. Not gonna happen :). I just want to be wise with my money and with what God has for me. I am not cogent with not knowing my future and I just want to be ok with whatevr God has for me, whether that looks like being stateside, having a crappy job for the rest of my life or living pay check to paycheck (which I already plan on doing) but it's just been a foothold that I've let Satan get this week, so I have decided j am going to study trust, hope and reckless abadon. I have no idea what that looks like but I will continue to let you know about it. 
I hope you guys had a great week, I know that I did. I will try and call some of you if the Internet is working well enough but no promises. 
Walking humbly for my king
Mariah