coming home....

Well... its 8 in the morning here and i have already eaten breakfast and am awake enough to write this blog...something is desperately wrong with me. I am not exactly sure why I have been waking up so early! I am usually a walking zombie in the morning, but i have been wide away...well i am still sleepy but i cant sleep, so im wide awake in that sense. Im not complaining by any means, its just humorous...maybe i will get my sleeping pattern back when i go back to the states? Or my body has just decided to join the rest of the world...who knows. anyway. So this is it. Our last week here and it hit me last night the hardest since ive been realizing this day is coming soon. I cant believe this summer is over, and i keep talking to Ty, Meg and my mom and telling them how excited i am to come home to see/talk to them...and I am...oh how i cant wait to have a conversation with someone that is not at a 14 second dely....but my heart is so heavy at the same time. This time is going to be much different in the sense leaving. I have relationships with the people here. Its not like a 10 day trip where i pretend to impact the world like i have in the past...these are legitimate people who i will remember for the rest of my life. I cant say that is the case on any other trip i have gone on. Yea there is always the cute orphan that i want to bring home, but its because i always either felt bad, or they were just adorable. The tears are starting to well up now as I think of Masunda and Bumba. They have three other brothers at the Hope House and i just recently found out the story on their mom. Some of you know the background of Masunda and Bumba...remember, they were found abanded on the side of the road by pastor Isreal and Mama Natalie. People told them they shouldnt take them in because they were going to die anyway and why would they want to deal with that...they are now 7...One of my main ministries here has been to work at the Hope House, so we spend a good amount of time simply playing, talking, singing, drawing and most importantnly loving on those kids. There was a new Mama that i noticed was helping out Mama Natalie around the house. She is "simple" as Papa Tim puts it, and basically has been taken advantage of time and time again and thats why she is living at the Hope House for the summer. We arent sure if her kids know that she is their mother, but can you imagine? I know its hard for you to picture, or to feel as deeply for these boys as we do because its just another story. Its just another sad story that we Americans need to feel bad for because we have the good things in life and they dont. We have our crap and they have their problems. I know, I know and believe me when i say that i am taking that into consideration as i prepare to go back to the states. To us these people are real, these people have families and stories behind. To have Masunda wrap his little arms around my neck every time i step into that place is different. Its different than charity. I have absolutely nothning to offer them but love. I am just as equally in poverty, or orphaned as they are. Not physically of course (mom take a deep breathe ;) )...but spiritually. I have relationships with these boys from the Hope House. From church, from villages, from Bongolo, from the mobile clinics, from living in this community. I love these people. I have made a new family, and if i had the chance to come back and do it all over again, i would in a heart beat. less than a heart beat. So i guess all in all, and B holler and Nate and I were talking about this the other night, for all of the people closest to all of us reading this...please dont try and fix us. Dont think that you can fix our tears, our brokenness, our hurt or our new ways of thinking. So many of us have grown up and changed this summer. We have seen what is means to love deeply, care for the broken, live in community. God has dealt with us in the most personal of ways of which i cant wait to live out in our Culture. Thats another thing. Culture...just a warning, it is going to take me some time to get back on the schedualed way of life. My scheduale changes every day. We kinda sorta make plans here, but they change a good 99.99% of the time...so if i am super super super lackadaisical and just out of it for a while, be patient. :) One of our sisters went home a little early because she had camp to work at, but she was telling me the other day how hard it is to do the schedualed thing...crap...so yea. Patience is good. I will be exercising it with you guys just as must as you will for me :).
Please dont think i am Emo and super depressed. Its just how i write most of the time to get my thoughts out, but i am freaking excited to see you guys, dont think im not. I cant wait to squeeze my brothers...and Tyler you better be ready to spend every waking moment with me during vacation Bud. I miss you SO much! I cant wait to hear all about camp and what God has been teaching you :). Love you!
So i have a lot more to add to this but i will post later tonight or tomorrow morning. Just about church and I am going through Numbers and i love it! hahaha weird right? anyway, i will see you guys soon :)